Veins of Green and Silver
by A regrettable decision
Summary: Life is a mystery. We all know the basics: you are born and then you die. But what happens in the middle? Do you make friends that last a lifetime? Find love? Or do you spend it in a place so terrible you can never escape? Do you spend it in your own mind? Or can you overcome everything and stay in the light-Includes DM/HG RW/NL-Canon until 7th year-horcrux hunt delayed by 1 year.
1. Beginnings

**_"I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. _****(Jo March)" **

― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

**We all thought that it was going to be just another raid. Needless to say, we thought wrong...**

**Harry POV**

The Order had received an anonymous tip off about a large congregation of Death Eaters in an abandoned farm just outside of Hogsmeade. We all jumped at the chance. Since Dumbledores untimely demise we had been lost. Frantically chasing our tails for a lead that could help us end this nightmare of a war, a lead that could help us wake-up.

I insisted on going, in the end Molly's complaints where out shadowed by a point made by Kingsley's commanding voice. I would end up going anyway, the Order could at least keep me safe, or at least safer. Surprisingly, little resistance to this idea was met, and I was grudgingly allowed to accompany them.

After we were all outside of the Hogwarts boundaries, we all apparated, an activity in which I was accompanied by Elphias Dodge as I did not yet posses an apparating licence, to the perimeter of the farms' surrounding land, and crept towards the main building in relatively small groups, however this was only done after Kingsley performed a quick charm to make sure that there were no spells upon the area that would alert anyone inside to our presence.

Everyone was actually surprisingly relieved to see that there was in fact a single caterwauling charm in place, as it alluded to the fact that there may be a chance for revenge lurking inside that seemingly dilapidated wooden building.

Anyway, back to the point. As we crept up we were met with a curious resistance in the air, almost as if it were attempting to push us back. Still, as they say, we soldiered on, taking this as a sign that we where indeed on the right tracks, and not on some fools errand or wild goose chase.

As we broke through this bubble like anomaly the sight before us changed. The now glass covered windows where bright with candlelight and the smell of alcohol drifted out from the cracks between the wood. The air was filled with the sounds of merriment, with howls and screams of pain lancing through it.

In that moment I could see why this group of people had been chosen and trusted with the task of being a member of the prestigious Order of the Phoenix. At the prospect of someone in danger, the ageing witches and wizards sprang into action, covering all possible entrances and exits and charging in, desperate not to put any more innocent lives in jeopardy.

And I joined them...

**Lila POV**

My body twisted and writhed beneath the wand pointed at me with carefully deliberated accuracy. "_**Crucio**_" could be heard, repeated again and again by voices of various tenors and pitches. Unable to hold it back any longer I let out a piercing scream, which seemed to only fuel their jeering torture.

My dishevelled midnight black hair was matted all over my face as I attempted to pull myself out of this helpless state of despair and into a place where I could grit my teeth and carry on resisting their futile attempts to get me to break, which sadly, where working.

"Stop." Sneered a cruel, high voice that had once sent shivers down my spine, however my ears had grown accustomed to its' unpleasant sound, and instead I was left wallowing in the small relief my enemy had granted me.

Cold, slender, pale hands roughly probed the bare skin of my back and calloused fingers slid over the raised scar tissue that coated it.

"What does this say, whore?"

And still I refused to reply.

"Answer me!" Screamed the voice, it's anger evident in its tone.

What felt like a knifes blade dug into my shoulder, and once again, I gave in once again and screamed. Then the doors burst like a damn. People came flooding in, not many, but people not party to the pain I was enduring...

**Harry POV**

For a single moment I was ecstatic. The tip-off was right, we had found a large amount of Death Eaters. I allowed my eyes to wander, and I realised that He was here. Bent over a hunched figure on the ground.

That was when I saw her.

Covered in blood, both old and fresh, and as naked as the day she was born. Cowering under the being that could barely be called a man.

Her eyes met with mine, swallowing me in there black depths, showing me all of her pain, all of her sorrow.

I didn't even notice him come up behind me.

"No!" I heard a feminine voice yell out, filled with desperation.

Then they all dropped to the floor.

And so did she...

**Lila POV**

Those eyes. That was all I saw. Huge emerald abysses that promised me all that I could never have. Threatening to swallow me up. But those eyes were so concentrated on me, they didn't see the figure that had crept up behind him, brandishing his wand with a psychopathic gleam in his eye.

"No!" I yelled out, my voice filled with desperation.

Then they all dropped to the floor.

And so did I...

**A/N okay, this is just a little something that my mind cooked up, it's actually based on a dream I had the other night, which is probably really messed up, but hey, if the cap fits...**

**In other news: I own nothing except Lila, if I did there wouldn't be so many mistakes in the Harry Potter series (if anyone finds anymore I am building up a catalogue of them), Dobby wouldn't have died(God I love that elf, I am not going to lie, I cried when he died) and I would be on a beach somewhere with Tom Kerridge acting as my personal chef (that man is a genius, his food is utterly incredible).**

**~sorry about the llama's~**


	2. Meetings

_**"Journeys end in lovers meeting." **_

― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

**Harry POV**

All of them, except one.

He simply turned around, smiled and...vanished.

Gone...

I looked at the other Order members, who all where experiencing similar states of shock. I believe that Kingsley was the first one to snap out of the stupor, pulling the rest of us with him with a deep intonement of "does anyone recognise the girl...". And that was all I heard, before I was running towards the broken figure that I was sure had somehow saved my life.

Looking down on her in that moment was like looking at a collection of oxymorons. Her features proud, yet emaciated. Beautiful, but possessing an eerie skeletal like quality. So very strong, yet beaten down into this almost feral being I saw before me.

Her eyes, before so big and dark, where closed, thick lashes pointing downwards to an elegant nose and full lips. Hair as black as a ravens wing was matted in clumps around her face, her skin was waxy and her cheekbones as sharp as a blade, threatening to pierce the skin.

However, even just below the face told the story, full of the sorrow, pain and angst he had seen in her eyes just moments before.

Scars that formed both words and images covered her skin, like grotesque tattoos. Starting on her neck, right down to her toes and her fingertips. I gently covered her with a cloak that once belonged to one of the fallen, obscuring her bare form from view.

"We need to get her to Madame Pomfrey, Mungo's would be too dangerous." Came a quiet, somber voice from behind me. Needless to say, I allowed this particular voice (also know as one Nymphadora Tonks) to scoop up the stranger, before disappearing with a loud crack as my request died in my throat "can I ...".

Hurrying up to Lupin, I placed my hand in his, and we too joined the exodus towards Hogwarts...

**Lila POV**

Swaying.

To and fro, to and fro.

No colours only shades.

Black, white and every form of grey in between.

To and fro, to and fro.

Voices, only distinguishable by pitch.

A high woman's, low men's and every pitch in between, merging, never stopping.

"Who is sh..."

"Where did she co..."

"...been there?"

And then the darkness returned...

**Harry POV**

The hospital wing was in a state of complete and utter chaos. People arguing whilst patients lay confused in their beds. Madame Pomfrey struggling to get a word in edgeways. And then there was the girl. Lying there with an impossible air of peace, laced with what I hoped where just remnants of the pain she had been put through, and not lasting sufferance.

"Quiet!" I heard McGonagall order "Everyone except for Madame Pomfrey, Kingsley, Nymphadora, Remus and Harry, get out!"

Grumbling, the entire room cleared out, anxious to avoid annoying the already frustrated and infuriated Headmistress. One silly third year with a huge gash in his leg even tried to join the mass of people exiting, only to be shot down by the school's nurse, who was flapping about like a mother hen.

"Well then, is anyone actually going to explain what is going on here?" Inquired the exasperated Head.

"They where killing her, she was in so much pain..." I whispered, every molecule of compassion in my body was being directed at this one...stranger.

"Her injuries are quite extensive, I shudder to think how long she must have been there." Input the healer.

"How extensive?" Came a voice from somewhere behind me. I was too desperate for her answer to try and guess who had spoken.

"I'm not sure that it is appropriate to discuss with young mister Potter here..."

"Just get on with it Poppy!"

"Okay, she has many assorted knife, burn and whip marks all over her body, however two of these drew my attention more than the rest and I will explain why in a moment. There has also been a lot of pressure placed on her heart, I imagine due to extended and heavy use of the Cruciatus curse, along with others of a similar nature. She also has...erm..."

"Spit it out Poppy!"

"A large amount of vaginal scarring, suggesting repeated sexual abuse which also links in to one of those two scars I was telling you about earlier.

You see these names on her hands? And the small numbers next to them? Well they have been charmed to appear when she is...erm...assaulted, according to the person and how many times."

"But there are so many names on here, they go right up to her elbow, is there any on the inside as well?"

"Yes there are on the forearm, but the ones I was concerned with are on her palms."

Madame Pomfrey held the girls palms out to the Order members and showed them two distinct scars forming three words, two on one hand and one on the other, very clearly spelling out:

Lord Voldemort and Father

"It is my belief that these two people are one on the same, which I'm sorry to say, is only supported by the scar on her back, the other charmed one."

The room was utterly silent. You could have heard a pin drop, but everyone was too shocked to test that.

"Are you quite sure?" Croaked out McGonagall.

"As sure as I can be without either parties confirmation or a paternity test. Look at this scar."

Poppy turned over the limp figure, her coal black hair snagging slightly on the healers nurse watch, and moved the sheets down to show her nude back to the others present in the room. There lay the words:

Property of Lord Voldemort

And then, almost as if it had been squashed in as an afterthought:

Can be used by anyone bearing the Dark Mark...

**Lila POV**

So much pain.

Layering and pressing down on me.

Clouding everything.

The darkness swirling, moving, spinning.

And then, a single ray of light.

Breaking through the agony,

Soothing the hurt.

And then I awoke,

And I saw those bright green eyes staring back at me...

**Harry POV**

Her eyelids fluttered, before opening and zapping me into place.

And there I stayed,

Frozen by those dark, dark pools...

**A/N two posts in as many days! I'm on a roll!**

**A big thank you to everyone who favourited and followed, and a special thanks to my ONLY reviewer EdwardCullen123, I hope you enjoyed this chapter even if it is a bit morbid, but I do hope it explained why Lila was there in the first place, you will find out more about her as the story continues. **

**If you enjoyed this REVIEW PLEASE! It will make me happy and I will write the next chapter as quickly as possible. Shoutout's and replies will be written in the A/N of the next chapter if reviews are received.**

**Love you all**

**Hannah xxx**

**~sorry about the llama's~**


	3. Fire and Ice

_"Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I've tasted of desire_

_I hold with those who favor fire._

_But if it had to perish twice,_

_I think I know enough of hate_

_To say that for destruction ice_

_Is also great_

_And would suffice."_\- **Robert Frost**, Fire and Ice

**Lila POV**

He was frozen too.

Somehow, I just knew, but who was he?

Who were they?

Where was I?

And most importantly, why was I there?

I was so scared. I am not going to lie to you, my life hasn't exactly been easy, and when I am lying on a bed with people I don't know surrounding me, it doesn't usually end well.

Fight or flight.

That was the immortal problem that I was faced with.

Figure out what was going on,

Or hide.

Once upon a time I would have fought without a question, hungry for a reason, desperate to never give up.

I lost that chutzpah long ago, and I was unsure as to whether I would ever get it back.

So I chose flight...

**Harry POV**

She looked so very scared. Like she thought that we would hurt her. It made me wonder if the abuse we where already aware of only scratched the surface. You could see the cogs whirring in her brain before she made her decision. As quick as the Flash, she was halfway to the door, only to be stopped by a swift flick of McGonagall's wand.

'Incarcerous"

And she was imprisoned, trapped within a series of ropes.

The look of terror and fear on her face was unparalleled, her eyes such voids of despair that I almost cried. I didn't even know this girl, yet I was somehow already so incredibly emotionally invested in her. So adamant that no harm would come her way, that the wall I had built around myself almost crumbled to dust. Just to embrace her.

Looking back on it I sound like a sappy fool, who has nothing but the love he is so desperate for, so he assures himself of its existence through long winded sonnets and things of a similar nature. Like Romeo. Except I hoped any ending we had wouldn't finish in such a morbid way...

**Lila POV**

I panicked. Those ropes, twisting and turning, forming a prison stronger that granite, stronger than diamonds, too strong to escape. I couldn't breathe. It seems stupid now. But even after everything, I still held onto my claustrophobia. It reminded me of my childhood. Well from my tenth birthday onwards.

In, out.

In, out.

Remember to breathe.

In, out.

Colours streaming, blurring.

In, out.

Don't scream!

In, out.

"Aaaaagggghhhh!"...

**Harry POV**

That bloodcurdling scream. Unlike anything I had ever heard. Heart wrenching and coated in unimaginable anguish...

**Lila POV**

In, out.

In, out.

_*A man's figure. Walking, no, swaggering, up to me. The posture proud and determined, swathed in heavy, dark coloured robes. Milky skin standing in stark contrast to blackness, resembling a peat bog in every way from density to colour, to the ability to swallow you up and perfectly preserve the state of terror it instilled in you.*_

In, out.

Stop the memories,

Don't let them haunt you,

Don't let them destroy you!

_*As he drew closer I managed to make out the features that where inscribed upon his ghostly skin. Holding the remnants of what must have once been handsome. Walking backwards, I retreated. Moving until my back hit the rough, cold wall of worn stone that seemed to be hewn from a much larger expanse of the rock. But still he came closer. I could now make out almost the exact shape of virtually non-existent, flattened nose. The crimson red irises. Yet full lips, high cheekbones and luxurious, silky brown hair still adorned this walking contradiction, well, in appearance at least. His skin not yet lifeless, holding some, but little, colour. Then the horror started. Then he started talking off those thick robes.*..._

**Harry POV**

"Stop it! Can't you see it's terrifying her? Just stop!" I yelled, as loud as I possibly could. Hoping they'd stop. Begging they'd stop.

"Finite Incantatem.' Rang out through the air in the composed and calm voice that belonged to the professor.

She slumped to the ground, eyes flashing but unseeing...

**Lila POV**

I could vaguely make out the disappearance of my prison, but most of my remaining energy was focused on fighting off the memories, fighting off the pain.

_*creamy expanses of skin, not yet sickly, still holding life. Sinewy, lean. Pale, dark haired. This human should have been beautiful, yet circumstances transformed him into a monster. Someone who could only be seen as attractive by those who agreed with his twisted ideals. Ideals that somehow involved assaulting his own daughter._

_I did what seemed the only option at the time. I couldn't fight him, he was too strong and I was too weak. So I closed my eyes. Unwilling to see any more of him than strictly necessary. But he didn't like that._

_Ennervate. _

_My eyes where forced open. Words that should not be passed from Father to daughter uttered in my ear. Making me sick. I just wanted it all to stop.*_

**Harry POV**

"Wake up, come on, what's wrong with her?" I yelled the last part directed at the Matron standing behind me. I just kept urging her to wake up. Without even knowing a name to call too. "WAKE UP!"

**Lila POV**

A voice. Smooth yet angry broke through the memory. Dissipating it into swirling fog. Calling me home.

**Harry POV**

Her eyes fluttered open. Relieved until I saw her eyes. Filled with such horror and pain, but slowly building back up their wall. A wall I recognised so clearly, as it was so similar to my own. Made of fire and ice. Glass and stone. Air and pewter. Like the world had condensed materials in some hope that they could protect her. Save her.

But you know how the poem goes:

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

**A/N I am so sorry for such a late update. Work and Pesach preparations make a very busy mix. This was also a pretty hard chapter to write, for obvious reasons. So the next update will probably be a little late as well, as Pesach still hasn't come (in case you didn't guess, I love Pesach). For anyone who was wondering what Chutzpah is, I believe that it is a Yiddish term and is similar to the term Spunk in meaning. If anyone can draw a decent Lila, PM me a link or something, I will use it as my cover, and give you a special shout-out. Also, please tell your friends about this story. If they review saying you recommended it to them, I will yet again give a special shout-out. I also apologise for the constantly changing POV's, I feel that it is important to get both characters point of views across. And before the acknowledgements, I am considering changing the name of this fic, please review with ideas.**

**I would like to thank several people:**

**Everyone who reviewed, favourited and followed,**

**Wolf113 for being awesome IRL,**

**narutonamikaze007 for, well, being him,**

**Sahiba KT, even though I am unsure as to whether or not she will read this,**

**SadisticOptimist208, I suggest you all read her story The Dark Lord's Rose, especially of you like darker fics.**

**And last but by no means least, the one, the only,**

**ZUCCHINI! I know you will only read this if I show it you, given that you don't read fanfiction, but you are incredible, and don't get the recognition you deserve, so here I am saying: Zucchini, you are my bae. Now this is the first time I have ever used this term, so it must be respected, and shown the honour it deserves.**

**I love you all, thank you, and good night.**

**~sorry about the llama's~**


	4. The House

_It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare. It is because we do not dare that things are difficult__**.-Lucius Annaeus Seneca**_

**Lila POV**

I'm not quite sure how long I remained in the hospital wing. It remains a blur of questions, strangers, examinations and him, the mystery boy that was always lurking in the shadows, yet never approached me. Odd questions, with no reason, such as how old are you, what's your name, what are you? And so, with little contact to anyone that wasn't a medic, I withdrew into myself, and enforced my walls. When they finally let me out, after what must have been some number of months, I was sent to visit one Professor McGonagall, who I knew of only from the whispers of my past homes, if you could call them that.

When I arrived at a large statue of a Phoenix, I noticed a rather odd bowl of sweets lying next to it farthest right claw. Inside was a little note lying along side the yellow sweets with "-drops" inscribed upon it. After taking one quick sniff of the bowl I deduces that the flavour was lemon, and using common sense I had assumed that it was the password. Very quietly and with my fingers crossed, I whispered "Lemon Drops" and the Phoenix began to rotate, revealing a flight of stairs, which I hurriedly climbed, anxious not to get trapped in this seemingly automatic example of magic.

Upon arriving at the top of the stairs, I entered a circular and dome shaped room, that was precociously decorated, with over shined ancient magical instruments, that seemed to be more use as decor than for actual magic. Portraits lined the walls, each speaking in hushed tones and peering at my face with an interesting mix of emotions. Behind a large desk, made of what appeared to be mahogany, was a woman. Middle aged if I were to guess, around sixty, yet holding obvious grace and intellect that would be deemed extraordinary for someone half or twice her age.

"Ah, I see that you have been released, though I must apologise for not personally overseeing your medical care. I was slightly busy, there was an issue with the plumbing again, it seems the castle is responding to something."she said, in an overall kind manner, yet hinting at greater power and ability than immediately recognised.

"What is it responding too?"

"You dear. It seems that Hogwarts is at war with itself as to what to do about you, what with you being both Slytherin's heir and Voldemort's daughter. But don't worry dear, none of the students know your here yet."

"What about the boy?"

"My dear, which boy?"

"Emerald, his eyes. Dark hair, pale skin?"

"Do you mean Harry Potter? Yes, I think you must, he was there when we brought you in."

"Oh, okay."

"Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I assume that you will be attending Hogwarts. And due to the mental assessments we gave you, you are more than prepared to join the seventh year classes, that is if you feel that you are ready."

"Yes ma'am."

"Good, then there is just the small issue of the sorting, we will do that now if it is ok with you?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Very well then."

The headmistress walked over to one of the many bookshelves in the corner, and picked up a dishevelled, dark brown wizards hat.

"Place this on your head dear, and we'll see where you belong."

I carefully took the hat and put it on my head. Confused as to what was about the happen, I jumped out of my skin when it started talking.

"Ahh, such a mind. So clever and wise, so experienced, yet naïve beyond imagination. Brave, yet sly and cunning. Not Hufflepuff, no, too scheming for Helga's house. Ravenclaw? You certainly have the brain. Yet somehow I feel that you hide it. Desperate for a way out that won't expose you for what you are. So we must leave dear Rowena here. So, Slytherin or Gryffindor? The house of your family, or the house of your saviours? Yes I see your mind. Scared, yet proud. Strong yet weak. So much potential, but so scared to use it. A witch only by name, not by power. So much more. The Snake, or the Lion?"

"Don't let them destroy me" is all I said. Barely a whisper.

"Then the Lion. Embrace it, and don't be afraid." The hat said, then louder "Gryffindor!"

"So there will be no need to address your head of house, as you are already talking to her, welcome to Gryffindor. Now, onto the next order of business. Do you wish for people to know who you are, or create a pseudonym?"

"I want to be me. Lila Merope Riddle, and accept whatever comes with that."

"But surely you will be safer dear..."

"No, I stay me, I don't let them win."

"Okay dear, just let me call the head-girl, she will be in most of your classes, especially if you pick certain electives."

""Okay."

"Sonorous..."was muttered quietly, then slightly louder "communodirectusbihogwarts." Finishing with "will Hermione Granger please come up to the headmistresses office."

"She should be up in a minute."

After silently waiting what seemed like an age, a short young woman, with a slender birdlike figure and bushy chestnut coloured hair arrived at the office door.

"You called for me?"

"Ah yes Miss Granger, this is..."

"Lila, Lila Riddle."I interjected, no longer able to stand the tense atmosphere.

"Wait, Riddle, as in..."

"Yes, Tom Marvolo Riddle is my father."

The head-girl took a small step backwards, seemingly to steady herself after the obvious shock of finding out that the wizarding worlds greatest enemy has a daughter, who is in fact standing right in front of you.

"Tom Riddle, as in THE Tom Riddle, Voldemort, the Dark Lord, He Who Must Not Be Named? That Tom Riddle?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Just Wow."

"Okay girls, as much as listening to stuttering adolescents is the highlight if my day, I do have some work to be getting in with, so if Miss Granger would be so kind ad to show Miss Riddle the spare bed in your dormitory, that would be most helpful."

"Okay professor."

Reluctantly the head-girl led her enemy's daughter to her new living quarters. And, with no ulterior option, her enemy's daughter followed...

**Hat POV**

A mind like that I had not seen in centuries. As smart as the Ravens, possibly even more so. Almost as kind as the Badgers, let down by her Slytherin traits. As brave as the Lions, with the ability to do something about her bravery. And as clever, scheming and sly as Salazar himself.

"That one's special." I had said.

"I know, but it's her medical results that worry me. The spells we have used, the potions and the charms are not equal to the outcome, she should still be in hospital."

"She is not one of you, allow her to blossom and find her own path. For then she will either destroy you all, or be your saviour, but that has to be her choice."

"Let's just hope she follows the path of light."

"Yes, let's hope she does..."

**Hermione POV**

She was HIS daughter, and that was a fact that could not just be forgotten. But she was so much more. Tall, poised, elegant and downright beautiful. I had never seen anything like her. And a GRYFFINDOR? How was that even possible, I mean just take a look at her family history. But then I remembered Sirius Black. Born of Slytherin's greatest, becoming Gryffindor's hero. Everyone deserves a chance, or they will become who they are expected to be, even if that will cause pain.

"Hi, my name is Hermione Granger."

"Lila Riddle."

"Just a quick question, where have you been, I mean, you are going immediately into seventh year, and you look like that's where you belong anyway, so where have you been?"

Just after I said it, I realised that I had crossed some form of line. That there was a reason I had not heard of her before that day. So she simply said:

"Trust is a fine thing, appreciated and respected by all. However it is also something that you have to earn. Maybe one day, you and I will be in a position where we posses that trust, however by this time tomorrow the whole school will probably have a vague idea anyway, so it is probably best that I tell you, but it is a long story, so I would appreciate it if you would lead me to a place where we can talk in private."

And so I did. I lead her to the head-girl's private room, and she told me. Stories of pain and hurt that I was unaccustomed to hearing, and she was unaccustomed to telling. Of betrayal, regret and acts so atrocious I didn't want to believe them. She showed me her scars, and told me their stories. From the callous words, to the almost elegant lines, adorning her skin. And I helped her start to heal.

**A/N right, so here's a little Pesach/Easter treat. The first night of Pesach is over people, only six/seven more to go, but it depends where you are people.**

**So far the only title suggestion was: In The Darkest Life of Them All.**

**Can people send their suggestions in in the form of reviews? Also, I would love to know what you thought of this chapter, as it is a little different.**

**Live long and prosper, have a good Easter, and yom tov. Happy Pesach.**

**I love you all. Oh and thanks to my brother Sam for reading over this chapter and supplying me with the idea for where the ending is going. I don't plan ahead with my stories, so what happens will be just as much of a surprise for me as it is for you.**

**~sorry about the llama's~**


	5. Dreams

_"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."_

**― Eleanor Roosevelt**

**Lila POV**

That night I went to bed, still hurting from the memories I had shared with the girl I hoped I could trust. The dorm was quiet, as all its inhabitants were still in their classes. The luxurious four poster beds, unlike anything I had ever felt before. With the overpowering silence, I was almost content. But I knew I couldn't forget. So, for the first time, I looked at the plentiful scars adorning my hand. Reading the names. From Mulciber, to the Notts to both the Malfoys. Amycus Carrow, Dolohov, Crouch Jr., the Crabbes, McNair and Lestrange. Rowle and Yaxley.

Him.

So many more on top of that. Associates, friends, relatives and co-workers. Random sympathisers looking for a good time. I lost count, but they were all there. Remembered by the marks they had left. So, for the first time in many years, I cried. Torrents of water running from my eyes, trying to heal. Lyrics came to mind. Words I had forgotten, that used to be sung through the window from the neighbouring house before they moved me. Floating through the bars like a breath of fresh air. They didn't know that anyone was listening, but every night there was a new song. "We look for love, no time for tears, Wasting water all that is, And it don't make no flowers grow." Well, I wasn't looking for love, but crying certainly wasn't helping anything. So, I composed myself, and lay on my back, drifting into the land of dreams.

_A single emerald green eye was the focus of the dream. Growing in size, until it consumed me, and everything around had an additional green hue, almost as if I had stepped into the land of Oz. Spiraling columns of light, mottled with threads of darkness. Fog shrouded the corners of my vision, giving the whole situation a mysterious, ethereal feel. And I saw myself. At different points in my life. As a child, the only happiness I can remember, ignoring the world in my own fantasy dreamland. Imagining a world full of sunshine and warmth. Open spaces and kindness, all things I could only imagine in the harsh reality of life. As a young girl, only just realising how cruel the world could be. Only just realising what pain is. As a tween, my body starting to suffer from the abuse being inflicted upon me, silent tears running down my face, refusing to let them know that they'd won._

_In my early teens, lying on my back as a slender figure, with lustrous silvery-blond hair floating down his back, not yet matted from the strenuous nature of the activities, moved above me, moved within me. My pain clearly written on my face, my eyes screwed tightly as I was, well to put it bluntly, screwed. And finally, there I was, clearly reflected in the mirror. The etchings in my skin, clear in the shamrock light. They may be ugly, but for me, they are a reminder. Of pain, imperfection, and, finally, strength. Of the fact that I was still me. Having not been reduced to an empty shell. And I smiled. The muscles in my cheek sore, from not being used in this manner for so long. But I did it. For that moment, I was happy. Despite- No, because of the memories surrounding me. It was over. And I won. Well, round one at least. But even that small victory was enough for now._ And then, I let the blissful darkness overtake me for the first time. Washing over my mind in a sea of calm. So I slept, and no more dreams arrived at my bedposts.

When I awoke, there was a small gathering of girls surrounding my bed, a quick count informed me that there were three of them, all in their pyjamas. From the blonde with the vain and arrogant exterior, to the quieter ginger young woman, who seemed to be overpowered by the blonde and the other girl, a beautiful Indian who exuded confidence, and appeared to be the blonde's friend. The brunette from last night was no where to be seen.

"Are you the girl Malfoy was going on about?" came my rude awakening from the flaxen haired ponce.

My groggy reply was, to say, less than satisfactory. "What?"

"Malfoy, you know, blond hair, smoking hot, body to die for, I mean, have you seen those abs! But not in, like, an over the top way, kinda subtle yet defined. I mean, damn! That boy is fine-" she began to ramble.

"Lavender, get to the point." came an exasperated huff from her assumed friend.

"Alright, Parvati, keep your hair on, Jesus Christ! Anyway, are you the whore Malfoy's been talking about?"

"Lavender!" The shock in that gasp was unbelievable. I had been called a lot worse, by a lot eviler. Being called a whore wasn't going to make me break.

"As opposed to what? An egotistical self-absorbed pompous bitch, that can't think of any other explanation other than I'm a skank who will warm the bed of anyone who asks? You assume you know me, and you don't even know my name."

The girl who had been called Parvati by the bitch simply held out her hand and said, "Let's start with introductions. Hello, my name is Parvati Patil, I believe we got off on the wrong foot, but I would just like to say welcome to Hogwarts."

Accepting her handshake, I replied, "Thank you very much Ms. Patil, and, Lavender was it? My name is Lila Merope Riddle and I think that it would weigh in your favour if you learnt to get to know who you are talking to before you insult them..."

**Harry POV**

The night before Lila joined us in classes, an announcement was made by Professor McGonagall.

"We have a new student who will be joining the Gryffindor seventh years as of tomorrow. I am aware that it is unusual for a pupil to join us at this point in the year, or this late in the school system, but strenuous circumstances have made her unable to join us sooner. I hope that you all welcome her, and treat her as you would the rest of your classmates."

Quiet murmurs broke out all around. A new seventh year? Such things where virtually unheard of. Let alone in mid-January. I knew it was Lila. I had been the one who found her. I still get chills when I think of what she did, how anyone could possess that kind of power. But there was something about her where I couldn't be afraid of her, or even dislike her. She could have a new beginning, one she definitely deserved. Then he had to go ruin it, didn't he? Being the pompous, two-faced ferret he had always been.

"Father said this was were those idiots had probably taken her." I could hear her from across the room as he was talking loudly. Wanting anyone who was there to listen and take interest.

"So you shagged her right Draco?" Came a question from pompous arse number two, also known as Blaise Zabini.

"Of course. That sket will spread her legs for anyone that asks."

"Was she any good?"

"I've had better, I've had worse, but she certainly is willing!" Snickers could be heard throughout the hall, mainly emanating from the Slytherin table.

I could feel my face go bright red, seething anger coming off in waves and surrounding me like some form of cocoon, blocking out everything except for those hateful words.

"So you know who she is?"

"Yeah Draco, tell us her name!"

"Her name? The bitch didn't deserve a name, just a stage title for a prossie service."

"Come on, you must know her name!"

"I think it was Lil-"

Unable to listen to his insults any longer, I had stormed up to the table, and just as he was about to announce her name to the world, and in my mind, sign her death sentence, I slammed my fist on the table.

"Shut up, Malfoy!" I yelled at his smug, pink face, almost angelic, except for the evil that lurked beneath.

"Ooh, Potter, have you got yourself a girlfriend?"

"Malfoy," I advised in a warning tone.

"What? You had to get some slag as a girlfriend 'cause no one else wants you?"

"Malfoy!" Yet again, in a warning tone.

"Oh, has she not let you fuck her yet? Are you not good enough? Is ickle Potty still a virgin?"

"ENOUGH!" I screamed, setting off a small thunderstorm above the Malfoy heir's head. My anger erupting at its source.

The entire hall was quiet. Staring at the standoff that had occurred between two of the most prominent seventh years in the school. The Deputy Head Boy and the Chosen One.

"Mister Malfoy, Mister Potter, may I remind you that this is indeed a place of learning and not one of your juvenile delinquent rallies," came the cold sneer of the new Deputy Headmaster, Severus Snape.

"Sorry, Professor, it won't happen again," came Malfoy's fucking voice, so bloody happy with the reaction he got.

"Sorry, Professor," I muttered as quietly as possible.

"I should hope so." And off he went, disappearing with a swish of a black cloak...

**Lila POV**

"Oh my god, their faces were priceless! I mean, apart from the members of staff I had met here, I had very little experience with my own gender, I had no fear of them. But what a welcome this was, being bitched about by people I was to call my own. Lavender looked like she'd just seen her dead pet rabbit come back to life, Parvati looked like someone had just told her that she was a triplet, but she ate the third child in the womb, and the quiet ginger girl looked like she'd just been told that, well that Voldemort had a daughter.

"Haha, good joke. I mean, you are fucking with us? Right?" That magnificent example of vulgarity came from Lavender.

"No, she's not." That was the first time I heard the ginger girl speak. Her voice was smooth and thick, like honey.

"Oh my god Callie, shut up!" Yet again, the girl who was starting to make me wish I had a knife on me.

"It's true isn't it, she said it was. She said he told him."

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"All of you shut it, and stop debating about who I bloody am like I'm not here!" Ok, maybe this was getting a bit out of hand. I was, after all, just another dorm mate, or at least that's who I wanted to be.

"Argue about my last name all you want, but it is my name. If it freaks you out so bloody much, then just call me Lila!"

Being the voice of reason Parvati spoke up "Lila, we were just going down to breakfast. Would you like to join us?"

"Sure, just let me get dressed."

So, with that, I closed the curtains around my bed and dressed myself in the Gryffindor robes I had been provided with. Ignoring the marks on my body after the slight freedom last nights realisation had provided me with. The dark red hangings tinting the light crimson. My mind wandered to the people I had just met. Surrounded by their traditions and expectations, unable to break away from the life that had already been chosen for them. I didn't like Lavender, that much I already knew. She was a gossiping, self-obsessed example of arrogance. Someone I knew I could never get on with. Parvati seemed nice enough, if a little sheepish in the way she followed her sandy haired friend. Callie was, well she was interesting. She appeared to be on the outside of the friendship circle within the dorm, and I was unsure as to her nature. But there was something about her that was slightly comforting. So, onwards I went, brushing my hair into a simple ponytail. By the time I had finished and gone down the stairs to the common room, they were gone. With the exception of the one girl, Callie.

"Thank you for waiting."

"No problem."

Walking though the common room I heard strange whisperings, all centred around three people. Harry, Draco and someone who was just being called "the girl". Tales of a storm, a prostitute and a Death Eater. Slightly confused I started to bite my nails, a nervoushabit I had had for as long as I could remember. So with that, down we went to breakfast, and I braced myself for words I felt were sure to come...

**A/N My longest chapter yet! 2166 words BEFORE this A/N! So, I believe you may have noticed that I changed the name of this fic. I would like to thank MissRoseAlanaHorton for this as it was her idea. But I love it, so thanks for that.**

**I really enjoyed writing as Draco Malfoy, it allowed me to unleash my inner Bitch, which was amazing. So you will definitely be seeing more of him, but for all you Draco lovers, he will eventually be a friend. Remember that his whole family is in Voldy's thrall, he can't exactly refuse anything that the Dark Lord asks him to do.**

**In other news, I got a Beta. I would like to thank Daerwyn for reading over this story and advise that you all go and read her stories, they are really good.**

**I am planning on next updating this on my birthday, which is the 1st of May by the way, and would appreciate it if you all gave me reviews on that day as a birthday present. Or you can give me reviews on this chapter as an early present, I'm not going to complain.**

**Oh, and the lyrics are courtesy of Mr Bill Withers, from his song "Just the two of us".**

**~sorry about the llama's~**


	6. Regrets and Remembrance

_"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been."_

― Kurt Vonnegut

**Harry POV**

That day was...let us say, interesting. Everyone was gathered that morning with the express purpose of meeting The Boy Who Lived's sket of a girlfriend. If it weren't for the crowds looking out for her, I don't think I would have noticed her slip into the Great Hall. Her brows furrowed, creasing together. Her hair cascaded down her robed back, falling loose from her pony and contrasting with the snow-white skin of her face, her features markedly different in colour to their background. Chalk white, raspberry red and pure black. Colours I usually associated with ice-cream, especially when combined. Features aristocratic, yet worn with a sense of defeat. I swear, it was like someone yelled "FREE GALLEONS!". Heads snapped in her direction, whispers grew gradually louder with pointed stares changing direction between the two of us. She made her way to the Gryffindor table, where I was sitting with Ron, Hermione and Neville. "Who the bloody hell is she, Hermione?" Came Ron's ever eloquent inquiry.

"She will tell you Ron, keep your hair on, for Merlin's sake!"

Then, before I knew it, she was sat in front of me. You could literally hear the entire hall hold their breath. Waiting for their own personal soap opera to begin.

"Hey Lila." Came Hermione's ever too chirpy morning voice.

"Hermione." Was Lila's relatively curt reply with an equally curt nod.

"So, what's your name?" That valiant attempt at flirting was courtesy of Ron.

"Honestly Ronald, I've just said it!"

"Lila, Lila Riddle." She was looking at him in a most curious manner. Seemingly slightly scared and unused to having people talk to her in such a way. Either way, none of those eavesdropping bastards saw that one coming. Merlin, it was like someone set off a bomb. Faces were rid of their smiles, and instead replaced with looks of pure terror, intermingled with shock and terror. Of course, from those who knew Voldermort's actual identity. Ron's jaw almost hit the floor he was so surprised. Lila's facial expression became glazed with hints of horror, pain and disgust.

"As in...HIM?" Came his extremely loud stage-whisper, suitable for the Royal Albert without microphones. Before she could answer, along came the Ferret...

**Lila POV**

I'm not going to lie. A large part of me was terrified when the red haired, freckled boy opened his mouth. I prepared myself for poisonous words and dangerous spells. For pain and anger. But instead, I was greeted with stupidity and bad flirting. It was...for want of a better word...flabbergasting. How anyone could possibly perceive that ridiculous blubbering framed with arrogance as attractive was beyond me. Bordering on idiotic, wait, why am I saying bordering. Just idiotic. I can in no way blame Hermione for her reaction. Actually, I am surprised she wasn't more frustrated with him as it was an almost perfect example of imbecilic behaviour.

"Lila, Lila Riddle." I would be lying if I were to say that I was not interested to see his reaction, along with the hundreds of others listening in. McGonagall had informed me that not many people knew of His real name. *A cold flash, chilling me to the bone. A glimpse of pale skin and brown hair. Red eyes and aristocracy. Pain and screams. Tears and a high laugh. Feeling like I was being ripped in half.* I snapped out of it. Wondering if anyone had noticed my surely glazed and horrified look. I looked around, seeing confusion, hatred and stunned expressions on the faces of those around me. Confusion, for those who knew not of their nemesis' true identity. Hatred, for those who had lost from his regime. Stunned expressions, for those who had never heard that He had sired a child.

"As in...HIM?" Yet again, that boy seemed to be extremely thick.

From behind me came a cold sneer I recognised. A sneer that was synonymous with pain. Synonymous with violation.

"Little Lila. I haven't seen you in a while. It's a pity, we have so much fun when we get together." My breath caught in my throat. Blocking the words. I hated him with such fury, I would have thought it impossible. He was an exhibitionist. His friends always there to get a piece of the action. And most of them enjoyed it. Except for one. Dark skinned, and slightly accented. Slight disgust was always present on his face, but no one can deny the Dark Lord. Or someone completing tasks directly ordered by him.

"Leave her alone Malfoy."

"Do you know of our little exploits Potter? I doubt you'd touch her if you did." Harry Potter. Why the hell was he standing up for me? My mind was going a mile a minute. Everything I had done, everything that had been done to me. If I hated myself that much for it. How could I expect anyone else to react any differently. *Screams and spells. Glazed eyes and involuntary actions. Intrusion and regret.* Concentrate! I yelled at myself internally.

"Should I tell him Lila? Tell him of the times I shared you with my friends? Of the tutelage we gave you on the art of blowing? What about..." He was cut off by the boy who seemed intent on becoming the poster boy for chivalry.

"Shut up!"

"Oh, but we are having such a lovely conversation. Just wait a second...Hey Crabbe, Goyle! Look who we have here!" He yelled at his eavesdropping cronies. They came closer, pretending to not know what was happening.

"What?" Grunted Crabbe.

"Yeah, what's up?" Came Goyle, complete with a chin jut.

*Laughter, repetitive yet different. Deep, monotone, cool and as sharp as a knife. Movement everywhere, approaching my prone form. Pain, slicing through me, coming from my very core. Another burst of agony, my screams muffled as someone entered my mouth. A watchful eye on the back of my neck. Unused to what it was seeing, and wishing never to witness it again. But there was nothing that eye could do, nor it's possessor. The breathing around me quickened, it was almost over...*

"You remember Lila, don't you?" Malfoy's question was snide and laced with arrogance.

"Of course. So, Lila, have you had any...interesting customers lately?"

"Watch your mouth Ferret." Surprisingly, that comment was courtesy of Ron. I may not like the boy, but there is no doubting that he is worthy of his house.

"And what are you gonna do about it, Weasel?" What is it with these people and rodents? First Ferret, then Weasel, what's next, Racoon?

"You wanna try me?"

"Shut up! I'm sick and tired of your bloody bitching!" Astoundingly, that one was me.

"Ooh, little Lila has a potty mouth, and a temper. Maybe you can teach wee Potter a thing or two. You know, help him loose his V-card."

"Go away Malfoy." Invoked Potter.

"Oh, I will. Just remember this Lila. The Dark Lord knows you're here, and He is not pleased with you in the slightest. He will take great pleasure in letting us play with you again, so watch out." And off he stalked, his Ork followers trotting after him like little lap dogs...

**Draco POV**

It made me sick. Thinking of what I had done, trading my life for hers. I remember every expression we caused that marred her face. From relief, to sadness, to agony and regret. We could have done something. We should have done something. Blaise wouldn't even get involved, not that I can blame him. His family is pretty neutral. His Mother's life didn't hang in the balance, along with his and that of his Father's. I love Blaise, in a completely platonic manner of course, but in that moment I was so jealous. He could refuse. Tag along, but not participate. I may be many things, but I never thought that I would be able to add rapist to that list. We only get one chance to live our lives, and I had already scattered mine into tiny pieces, making me unable to move past that. I was stuck under His rule. My family had followed the Dark for generations, more than I could keep track of. In the Pureblood world, you don't say no. Your family is your top priority. Reputations matter. Every move you make is noted and remembered. There is no room for error.

And I failed.

I tried to say no, I really did, but next to Him, I am weak. I am nothing. Sure I have friends who are in the same position, Pansy and Theo just to name a few. They don't want to be here. They, like me, believe in what He is preaching, but we can't stomach the pain, the torture, the rape, the murder used to reach the means.

What I had to do tore me apart. My soul was broken, as was my mind. But the act want even the worst part. They enjoyed it. Crabbe and Goyle were having the time of their bloody lives. Her pain had spurred them on, until their faces were contorted with such joy, I could barely look at them. When the world we live in forces fifteen year old boys to...violate a girl barely their own age, something has to be done. Then to be told that she would be joining us at Hogwarts. I hoped to forget her face. To forget what I had done, although I knew I would never be able. I can't say I was surprised when I found out she would be joining Gryffindor. At least that gave me a reason to be less than civil towards her, but when I saw her walking into the hall, I was reminded. I had my duty to do. It is not simple to turn away. I had instructions. Make her life hell. Help break her so that she has no choice but to return. Do whatever you have to, from beating to blackmail to rape. Find her weakness and obliterate it.

Do what has to be done, no matter how sick it makes you.

I would be lucky if I managed to get her to break before I did. Guilt consumed my every movement, until I was scared there would be nothing left.

**Lila POV**

Despite my earlier outburst, my heart was in my throat, too afraid to move. I hated those men with every fibre of my being. They consume, injure and break, all the while taking pride in their every action, no matter what the repercussions on others. Do you know what it's like when your too afraid to ask for a sip of water? Too sore to move a single muscle? Too oppressed to be allowed a moments free rest? They broke me, then I pieced myself back together fraction by fraction. Then the cycle repeated itself, so many times, before I was left with a casing harder than titanium alloy, infused with diamonds. But building yourself back up takes time. During which you are too vulnerable to even comprehend. During which they attack your soul. Leaving you an empty shell, with a shield too hard to break down so that you can fix yourself. And that is what I am, but I hope, that in time, I can be fixed.

**? POV**

She looked so beautiful standing there. Her hair tangling and falling out of it's simple bobble. I would have been mesmerised, had I not known who and what she was. A blade, honed by the wizarding worlds finest, only to be stolen. We would have her back, and she would not join the Light. She belonged to the Dark, with her family and those she needs to trust. I would do anything for the Dark Lord, but given what she is, I'm not sure I could ever trust her. She is powerful, of that there is no doubt. Meant as a knife, she could easily be turned into a nuclear bomb. All that is needed is realisation and training. But there is a reason why my Master never trained her. She is unpredictable, has a conscience. We needed to break her so that she would know where her loyalties lie.

**As promised, here is the chapter. Birthday wishes? In the form of reviews? Oh and does anyone get the ASDF reference in my new sign off for the end of my chapter. It will be at the end of every one. Finally, should I write about Lila's life PRIOR to this story in sporadic chapters, or as a separate story?**

**~sorry about the llama's~**


	7. Diary entry no1

In, out.

In, out.

Remember then forget.

Don't dwell,

But don't ignore.

What a bloody awkward recipe.

You try and embrace what has happened to you, in hope that one day, it will make you stronger.

Bend, don't break.

Destruction doesn't just affect you.

That's what I tell myself.

People break in different ways, at different times.

A small crack or a hacksaw.

Either one can leave you in crumbling grains.

Me, I was one of those lucky people who got both. I slowly collapsed in on myself, before being bulldozed.

A night can last an age...

**Dreams**:

Everyone had dreams at the institution. Mine, they were the same every time. I dreamt of a snake and a lion. A raven and a badger. Emerald eyes and emerald lights. Crimson iris's and crimson flashes. Bushy and sleek hair, contrasting in colour and intertwined. Red locks and black strands tangled in a sea of euphoria. Of victory and betrayal. Of pain and suffering. And of my body. Broken and lifeless in the arms of another...

Pensieve diary: Crumbling part one

**I was a child, against the odds and so lonely. I had just four friends...**

Clara, who was two years older than me, and impossibly wise. She dreamt of aliens and time travel. Of a man who never died, and a man who did. Whiteboards and chewing gum. And the colour Pink... Leia, a year younger, stronger than all of us put together, and too brave for her own good. She dreamt of mind tricks and robots. Guns and lights. Furry warriors. A brother she never knew she had… Natasha, five years older than the rest if us, trained as a spy, with fiery red hair that set the world on fire. She dreamt of a scientist and a giant green man. A millionaire in a metal suit. An eighty year old soldier, with a fondness of ice. A lightning God, with a toff accent. An archer that she loved with all of her heart... Finally, there was little Marie, nicknamed Rogue. Too innocent and naïve for the life she led. Four years younger than me. She dreamt of a man of claws and a boy of ice. A cat and a wheelchair. Storms and Cyclopes'. Beasts and magnets. And of a time that changed…

**I was fed very little...**

A dimly lit room, made of cold concrete and harsh steel. A metal plate, on a metal table. A slice of bread, a piece of ham and an apple. My lunch/tea. At least I hadn't had to receive the...exertion, that the others received. I was the lucky one, and I was the little girl drinking tepid water out of a fucking lead cup. I bit into the apple, internally cringing away from the fruit's mushy flesh. It tasted slightly vinegary and left me feeling dizzy, but at the same time supplied me with at least a little nutrients. The ham was mainly made up of fat and gristle, but it was...necessary...that's all anything was. Just necessary. The bread was stale, flecked with green and blue in shades I imagined reflected the ocean, however it still gave me strength. And that is what I lived on. That once a day, with an extra slice of bread and a sliver of cheese for breakfast.

**I was beaten...**

"You stupid bitch!" A large foot, clothed in a metal toed boot sped into my stomach, forcing me to the floor and winding me.

"We had a fucking deal! You don't interfere, and we follow the deal we made with your father. So stay the fuck out of that room, and we don't make you go in there. Get the picture?!" Each word was punctuated with a blinding kick or punch to my fragile body. The pain causing me to see stars.

"Yes...yes...just stop please..." With the a huge meaty hand gripped my hair, yanking my head backwards so that I was looking into two blood shot eyes, topped with dark, bushy eyebrows and a scowl that would give a hormonal teenage girl a run for her money.

"You know the rules...make sure that you bloody well follow them!" And with those words, off he went. Back into 'that' room.

**But at least I wasn't raped. Not yet anyway...**

I pressed my eye to the key hole. A young girl on all fours, brown hair matted to her scalp with a mixture of sweat, tears and a, at the time, mysterious white substance. A man, in his early fifties, moved behind her. Pants and cries echoed from the room, and a thick, musky smell permeated the air. A torrent of filthy words flowed out of the room, spoken in a deep make voice. Whimpers of pain emanated from the girl beneath him. He grasped her hair with a meaty grip as his panting and swearing became more frequent, and I saw her face. It was Clara. She looked my way and mouthed a single word. 'Please'. And I ran. Too scared to do anything but run away, like a bloody coward. Stumbling over my own feet in a desperate attempt to escape.

**I didn't know it, but it was him who kept me...safe...**

Bright red eyes, stark against a pale washed out face. Breath on my chin, causing me to shiver, as my gaze dropped to the floor. Sweeping over full lips and a pointed chin.

"Look at me." He whispered, his exhale tickling my face. I, almost imperceptibly, shook my head. He grabbed my chin and forced my head upwards, causing my glance to be directed straight at those inhuman eyes. Filled with too much cruelty and spite to belong to any mere mortal. "Come on now, speak up." At this I simply looked at him with a fear filled expression. "I said SPEAK!" He said the last word with such ferocity that I felt compelled to say a little. Very quietly I murmured "Don't hurt me." As I finished those words he laughed. Such a high, cold, piercing laugh that it made my breath catch in my throat. "Surely you are not the child I sired? She must have even a little more...chutzpah in her. Maybe I just need to push you?" With this he brought his hand down and slapped me with such force I saw stars. "Come on! React!" He said, hitting me again and again. I felt a rumbling deep within me, not unlike the beginning of a storm on a rainy day. The light fixtures above us spluttered and threw sparks, a howling wind appearing from nowhere, but it may have just been the roaring of my blood in my ears. "Perfect...such dark magic for one so young." He muttered, his eyes searching mine. "I wonder..." He stood up from the crouched position he had maintained in order to look me in the eye. Then he started to walk alway, heading out of the cheap plastic door that made the exit of the room. "Where are you going, and who are you?" I whispered, after gathering the courage to do so. "I, dear one, am going to talk to some people, and, in answer to your second question, I am your Father." And with that, he glided out of the room in a cloud of flowing fabric and a shroud of mystery.

_I have seen and done horrible things, all in the name of survival. And I need to tell someone. I know you are just a Pensieve diary, but maybe I can find some solace in sharing things with you. Just so long as you don't judge me too harshly._

**A/N I am so sorry for the late update. I re-drafted this FOUR times, and I'm still not completely happy with it. Basically, intertwined with the actual story, will be these diary chapters. The aim of these chapters is to give you a little insight into Lila's past, as she doesn't really share much. On a happier note, I would like to welcome Zucchini to , although here he goes by the name SonodaUmiSenpai. Feel free to harass him. Also, I am going to try to come up with a schedule, otherwise I just have random updates, and that's unfair on you. I'll tell you more about that in the next chapter. Finally, I am sorry for the shortness of the chapter. Until next time, adieu!**


	8. 4 and a friend

_"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."-__**Albert Camus**_

**Lila POV**

As they 'strutted' back to the Slytherin table, a cloud of dark green robes descended upon Harry, Ron, Hermione and myself.

"Miss Riddle, I see you have settled in quite nicely." Came the brisk monologue I had come to associate with the transfiguration professor.

"That I have." I replied, admittedly a little curtly.

"Here is your timetable, you are expected to be in herbology in half an hour. Do not be late." And with that, she marched off in a manner not unlike that of a gentry. Confused and slightly overwhelmed, I excused myself from the table and headed off in the general direction of my dorm room. As I passed the long tables filled with students heads turned to face me and whispers increased. All of them melding together, but all about me. I speed-walked through the entrance door (well, it was more of an arch really) and into the main halls. Running through corridor after corridor, the walls a blur of brown with the occasional coloured blip. I headed outside and carried in jogging until I reached what appeared to be some form of bridge and sat down, staring at the wooden slats that comprised the rickety, old structure.

Thoughts flashed through my mind, barely staying there quick enough for me to see what they were. _*Curled up in a ball, I cried. For what seemed like hours, just wanted to get the feelings out...A brown eye staring over a pale shoulder, filled with regret, and the silver one in front of it almost unreadable. But pain formed around its edges, showing just how guilty his conscience was...A young girl, no more than five. My fingers squeezed around her throat, choking the life out of her. Her big blue eyes pleading with me as she spluttered and gasped for breath. Her life almost over...Looking in the mirror to see myself, but I was someone else. My eyes clouded, I was just a tool. A tool designed for terror...*_

"Hey...Lila? Isn't it?" A voice trickled through my consciousness. I opened my eyes to find myself face to face with Harry Potter. "I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Harry. Harry Potter." As he said that, I laughed. A cold, humourless laugh, that held none of the warmth contained in the ones you could faintly hear echoing from the great hall. This was me in panic mode. He had been so kind. Yet how could the hope of a nation be placed in his scrawny little arms? And anyway, I could not get close to him, he could not get close to me. He looked at me puzzlingly, cheeks filling with colour and glasses slipping down his nose, making him look even younger and more innocent. "You're Harry Potter?! From what I've heard, I imagined you'd be...bigger." A cruel look smeared across my face. I had heard...rumours from every nook and cranny I knew about this supposed 'boy who lived', someone with the power to defeat the Dark Lord and not be reduced to rubble. In all honesty the entire prospect of him filled me with hope and fear. But this? This was the person who was supposed to save us all? He was a mere boy. McGonagall had told me that this was he, but I was desperate for the possibility that we may have had misunderstanding. That I wasn't to place my fate in the hands of this...child. "Excuse me?" He asked, his question wavering as if he were unsure of the situation, which I was fairly positive was the truth of the matter. "God, are you truly that slow? He will crush you. And where will that leave the rest of us?" Turning on my heels, I stormed off. Thoughts flitting through my mind. If this was 'the chosen one' then, to put it bluntly, we were all in deep shit. I lost myself in my thoughts, and in the back of my consciousness I heard a shrill bell ring. First day of class, and I was already late. I ran to where I had been instructed the greenhouses were located. I darted through the door just before the second bell went and looked around for an open seat. I ended up next to a solidly built boy, with large dark eyes, sandy brown hair and skin the colour of milk.

"Hi, m..my name's Neville, n..nice to meet you." He stammered, extending his hand in greeting. I stared at him ponderingly. Wondering whether he didn't know, or simply didn't care.

"Lila." I said, accepting and returning his handshake. With this he blushed a bright, beet root red and mumbled something under his breath. "Excuse me?" As I said this he went redder still and voiced more clearly. "I know..." This statement intrigued me even more. Perhaps he wouldn't immediately judge me, seemingly unlike the rest of the population of Hogwarts. "So Neville, any insights on the genetic formula of a new born mandrake root?" Taking my question from the writing on the board at the front of the class. That got a smile. A large grin stretching from ear to ear, as I had apparently said the right thing...

**Harry POV**

That encounter was...unexpected. From the experiences I had already shared with her, few as they were, I was expecting someone meek. Someone scared to voice their thoughts and who would cower away from others. Her downright rudeness had been astounding, but at the time I assumed that it was a simple case of: the apple never fell far from the tree. And with a father like Voldemort, it would take an awful lot of distance for her to hold even the smallest modicum of decency. I stomped off to Divination, my mood notably dampened. I don't remember what happened on the way there, my recollection does not extend as far as walking to class, but I do remember reaching the ladder that led to the almost cosy classroom in which most of the people taking divination in my year were sat. The strong smell of sickly sweet floral perfume mingled with BO, deodorant and the smoke coming from the heavily scented fire in the other corner enveloped the room. On top of all this, it was blisteringly hot. In short, it felt like being stuck under Hagrid's armpit, after he'd just set a bonfire, in the middle of the Sahara desert, right next to a florists. "Hey mate, where'd you go? Trelawny's not shown up yet. We've been seeing who's the best at teacher-charades*****." Yelled Ron.

"Just forget it, who's winning?"

"Dean, you have just got to see his impression of Snape, it's priceless! Oy, Dean! Do Snape for Harry!" Ron realised his unfortunate wording a tad too late, causing most of the room to burst out in snickers.

"Not sure he's my type mate, but I'm sure if Harry's just up for watching Snape, you could always bugger for him." Ron blushed, his cheeks going crimson with embarrassment. I flushed a little too, but Ron's colour was darker than his hair, a fairly impressive feat. I never did get to see Dean's impression, as the trapdoor then opened and Professor Trelawny entered. The rest of the class passed in a blur. Apparently I was going to die (yet again), Seamus would have an interesting encounter with a squirrel and Ron was going to find true love with the man he least expected. As this comment was made, Ron reacted in an...interesting way. Proclaiming his utter 'straightness' and the fact that he was already in love Hermione. The Professor replied with a simple, disbelieving 'yes dear.' Then the bell rang, and that was that...

**Lila POV**

I couldn't believe my luck! Another decent human being in this place. So far, that made the count four. A number slightly depressing in its lowness. Neville was unlike anyone I'd ever encountered. He hid his fear deep down until in his eyes it no longer existed, fussing over silly things to give himself something to think about. But I was, I am, fairly...adept at reading people. It's an important skill that has served me well many times. And I could see it. The anger and fear. However it was different. He was afraid of his anger, not angry with his fear like most. Later I would find out why, but in that moment it was simply an anomaly, not a particularly intriguing one, but an anomaly none the less. So, I let it be. In spite of all of this, he was funny. Extremely so. And we got along well. He happened to be in most of my classes, so we went to Charms together as well, and we sat together at lunch. We were some of the first in the Hall, sitting down just as the food appeared on the plates in front of us. I was still in awe at the sheer amount of it. How much was wasted? Did it go to those who needed it? Or did it just rot away? "Hello? Anyone home." Neville asked, clicking his fingers in front of my face.

"Sorry, I just spaced out for a moment."

"S'okay." Then he turned round and yelled down the other end of the hall. "Hey, Harry! Come sit over here." I'm pretty sure I turned beet red. Shit. Awkward would probably not even begin to describe this. I grabbed my bag from the floor and buried my face in it, pretending to look for something. 'Coward', a voice in the back of my head whispered at me.

"Hey Neville." Came a familiar voice. I sighed in relief. Hermione. I looked up, finding myself face to face with her. "Hey Lila." I smiled at her, relaying my happiness to see her, as it wasn't really my strong suit. 'Breathe' said one part of my head, 'coward' muttered another. I heard the heavy thump of someone practically throwing themselves onto a chair, and the lighter, muffled scrape of someone sitting down. Tweedle-dum, and Tweedle-sorryIsnappedatyou,I'msureyou'renicereallyI'mjustnotgoodwithpeople. I could feel my cheeks flush. 'Weakness', murmured the voice, 'don't show them all'. My mind flashed back to the last time I openly showed weakness to a man.

_*I curled up in a corner, crying. I couldn't do this. So many people, reduced to corpses. I was in so much pain, both physically and mentally. They say it gets easier after the first one. There were at least ten men, women and children in there. Most dead, some almost mad with pain and grief. I had killed, then made others kill. Watched as I forced child to kill mother and wife to kill husband. As I put curse after to curse onto their fragile muggle bodies. And why? Because I had to. Because I had layer after layer of that damn imperius curse piled onto me. They wanted me to be...like them. To want to kill and maim. But I just couldn't do it. I hadn't been fed in a while, I was so *weak*. I was cold, weak and injured. So once I was free of the spells, I curled up and cried. And then in came the one they called Dolohov. I knew him as Pain. Each of the men there, they all liked something different. Some wanted to be in control, others wanted to be controlled. There were the ones who liked to role play, and those who wanted the harsh reality. What Dolohov loved, more than anything else, was making me scream. Scream and beg, in agony. That was the last time I showed a man weakness, and I wasn't about to make it a habit again*_

I schooled my features into a relatively clear mask. Happy enough with the situation, feeling no particularly strong emotions at all, and I looked up. Back up at the Boy Who I Had No Clue What To Make Of...

**Draco POV**

I watched her all day, just out of the corner of my eye. Making sure she was okay. What happened in the morning was...well I suppose it was a way of marking my territory. The other Slytherin's knew that she was mine. They wouldn't touch her. A good thing too, because Nott cannot keep it in his pants, and I hear that he has a buried penchant for fire. I told her I was sorry, but never to her face. Simply in whispers that echoed through the hallways like that of a ghost. I did what I could though, I tried to help. I was the one who...suggested that a higher education might be helpful to the cause. But I was so scared. In my mind, it was simple. Let her live her life, and make sure you and your family have one. But it never seemed to work out that way. I always felt guilty. Maybe because I was. I had touched her, and hurt her and done things to her that nobody should ever do to anyone, but I got nothing out of it. Ever. I would never let myself stoop that low. And somehow, I lived with the guilt. And then, she went and became best friends with the woman I love...

**A/N I'm so sorry about such a late update. I'm setting myself a time limit of at least one chapter a month, how does that sound? So, I hadn't written anything in ages, when I decided to look at my fanfiction profile. And I scrolled down to my stories, and look at them. And then I was just fangirling and screaming going "WHEN DID WE GET TO 40 FOLLOWS? OH MY GOD, THAT AWESOME, I FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS!" So, then I read your reviews. Seriously, I love all 40 of you! You may not be the biggest group of people, but you are sure as hell the best! And then I wrote this, you inspired me with your UNBELIEVABLY lovely comments. Really guys, freshly made chocolate chip cookies for all of you, along with huge hugs!**

**So, 40 follows, can we get to 40 reviews? Pretty please...**

******teacher-charades is a game I used to play where people do impressions of teachers and everyone else has to guess who the teacher is.**

**P.S, just take a minute to appreciate the amazingness of the name Camus. Come on guys, it's deserves a bloody medal.**

**P.P.S We have almost three and a half thousand views! Party people!**


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